Wednesday, February 14, 2018

One of the things I had to deal with every time I write on the blog is how I start and how I end it. Its always been a love-hate type of relationship with this blog of mine and its not because I haven't got any blog-worthy stories to say, but because I do—and just when I thought I have everything all figured out, I get lost like I'm in some kind of a maze. My indecisive self tires me out, completely stuck, words running in and out of my mind, am I doing it wrong or right? Is this enough or too much? — And I struggle as my mind tries to process what my heart feels through words. This is what I have to put up with when I'm writing, and when I'm not. It’s like being torn between paths that only lead to the same way. It’s like getting to choose between yes or yes. You end up doing what you said you wouldn’t do, not because you have no choice, but because thats what your heart tells you to do which only leads to two things— You regretting the decision or you being satisfied with the outcome. Fortunately, in these feelings of helplessness, I always end up with the latter. But what if— what if life decides to go against me and I end up regretting my decision? Thinking about it now, if such a thing really happens to me, I’d probably just stay at home, think of more stupid things I could have done. Regret is inevitable, give it some time, and everything will be fine again— I’d say to myself. But of course, how would I know? Not unless it really happens, I’d still let my indecisiveness win over me....... but I’m trying. Sure, right now, there are many things that I'm still uncertain about, things that I have a hard time grasping, things that are so new to me that make me feel overwhelmed. But in this world full of doubts, there are a lot of things that I’m not sure of, but if there’s an exception— it's trying

Trying this with you.
 Happy Valentine’s Day. 
Love always, Ena

P.S. I made a playlist for you.

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