CRAVINGS

Usually I'd wake up minutes before my alarm clock rings, no matter what time i set it for, but today I woke up to the sound of my al...

Usually I'd wake up minutes before my alarm clock rings, no matter what time i set it for, but today I woke up to the sound of my alarm, telling myself to give me some more courage to face yet another day at work by letting me sleep for 5 more minutes. Today i had work, and i had to get there before 9, so hitting the snooze button was not an option for me. I checked Instagram instead. As i scrolled through pictures, i found myself yearning for urth cafe's green tea boba (i prefer blended) and thought maybe getting it as a reward after work would be a good idea to de-stress. Hours later, I got my green tea boba and i was stuffing my face with Konbini chicken-- best feeling ever, let me tell you. Everyday is unique and different, but thats what my routine has looked like lately. I get off work, head home. If i feel like spending cash, i eat at different quaint restaurants that I fancy or i'd get off at the next station and go to Kinokuniya to get me some books in Shinjuku. It's been six months since my last post and "my-laptop's-been-broken-and-im-broke-to-have-it-fixed" as my excuse is getting a bit unreasonable which is why I'm here today, on my phone, typing what I have to say. I stopped for school for one sem, and ventured out into the world of employment. This was purely my choice and im not even close to feeling regretful. I decided to take a break from school-- from the stress and from the pressure. In all honesty, I think I've lost myself along the way. I lost my confidence in myself at some point and experienced withdrawals between myself and my feelings. I felt the hunger for new experience and the need for personal growth which is why I tried to set things out on my own (hence, me explaining the complexities of life and fate that have led me to work in Shibuya -- for almost two months now) . Looking back I had many doubts-- thought it was a bad idea, that i should have just continued school and thought things wouldn't go the way as planned, but now, I'm really glad how everything turned out. As what I would always tell myself-- "[ 自分のペースで/jibun no pesu de ] / In my own pace." Never be afraid to go and do things in your own time and in your own pace. Never pressure yourself. Never compare your success to others' and live each day in your own style. Remember this is your life-- and in your own pace, may you find what your heart truly desires. 

Here i am, six months later, tired from work, walking down a busy street in a big city with all these city lights and people passing by, my eyes firmly focused on a drunk middle aged couple, arms loosely linked around each other. I might have been a naughty girl for eavesdropping, but I just couldn't help it. The man looked at his wife and said " you look really drunk, but i still think you're beautiful" the wife punched him jokingly and said, " i do not" and she rests her head on his shoulder for awhile and the man reached for his wife's hand as they start to walk (presumably) home. Maybe it was how they look at each others' eyes as if nobody was watching, or maybe it was their indescribable smiles that made me feel this way..........but it was in that moment, i started craving for something else. 

自分のペースで :-) 
Love always, Ena

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